she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
