You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
