you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
