Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
