How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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