On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
