the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
