If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
