Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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