I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
