Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i drank out of a bidet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
