I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
