never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize