The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
