better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize