He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
