apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I forget how to act sober
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize