Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
