It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
