wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
