Soap is not a condiment
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize