Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
