She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
