i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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