Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
