ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
