Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
