I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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