Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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