Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
