Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
