Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
