Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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