that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize