Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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