i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
