He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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