i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
