the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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