I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Never underestimate the power of titties
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
