also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
