just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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