turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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