If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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