Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
