your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize