he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
