Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
