you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
