i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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