i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
