the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
