We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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