You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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