I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
