Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
