based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
