I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
