Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
