dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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