and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
