We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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