i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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