So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
