Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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