He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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