He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
